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  • Bryce McEfee

My Troll-tastic Adventure

Art by Paul Rios


Do you ever have one of those days where everything just goes your way? The other day was just one of those days for me…it was a troll finding adventure of epic proportions. It’s not often that one comes across a troll in day to day life, but today while at lunch not only did I see one…I saw two. While enjoying a bento box with my friend Greta, these two elusive creatures strolled on by at separate times throughout our lunch hour.

The first one was a classic bridge troll, mostly found under or around a bridge, rarely are they seen walking the sidewalks of Loehmann’s Plaza. Judging from her kerchief-covered dome, this one was possibly from Russia…So a very long way from her motherland. The way I could tell she was a bridge troll, was by her face. She had a permanent stink face going on, like she forever smells her husband’s greasy farts. Also, she sort of looked squat like a toad. This particular troll was patrolling the garbage cans, most likely searching for a meal or could have been looking for cans to score a quick buck. I tried not to make eye contact in fear she might eat me. Thankfully she passed by without any incident.

The second troll was your classic 80s/90s good luck troll. You could tell she was getting on in years because her boobs and belly were almost scraping the floor. Plus, her poofed out hair no longer had the electric neon glow, but had more of a grey-white hue. She was sporting an artsy pastel nightgown/mumu…not quite sure which it was. It was knee length so as to display her sweet white walking shoes. Either way, whatever she was wearing was blocking her belly from me giving it a good rub for good luck. I wasn’t sure how much luck she had left to give anyway, one little rub looked like it might kill her, so I let her pass on by without giving it a go – besides how do you decide if you should pet the hair or rub the belly?

All in all, I feel that was a very productive day.


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